Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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