I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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