yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
