I think i peed on brittanys purse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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