A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's the barista slut.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
