I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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