Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
