u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
