Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
