Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
