I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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