i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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