Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
