Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
