you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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