Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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