I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
