She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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