Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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