my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
