At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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