No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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