Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
