i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
