i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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