So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
