Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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