Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
