i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
