i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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