It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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