i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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