so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
