Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
