I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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