i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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