pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
