New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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