when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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