My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
