i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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