My first STD was from a foam party
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
