And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
