remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
