i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
