how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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