It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
