I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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