Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
