My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm like, not good at living.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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