What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
