I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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