New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
