it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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