I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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