she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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