If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
