Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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