I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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