I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
