Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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