There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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