if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In other news, I just burned my penis
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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