Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
