ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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